{"id":1,"date":"2023-11-10T14:58:29","date_gmt":"2023-11-10T14:58:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.annavaneekeren.com\/digistory\/?p=1"},"modified":"2023-12-12T05:01:56","modified_gmt":"2023-12-12T05:01:56","slug":"crisis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.annavaneekeren.com\/digistory\/21-pieces\/crisis\/","title":{"rendered":"Crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
raise a glass to moments past \u2013\nha, i can legally drink, pass the bottle, let the aether flow at last \u2013\ntake a sip as the memories dance and laugh, whispers, fragments, of dreams seldom cast.\n\nstuck at 20, perpetually 18, young, stupid, obstinately mature, a deep grievance, a pulsating alienation and need for explanation; oh, the rumination,\nblink and stories flood, surges of longing and desires and hopes yet to be heard of,\nis there anything that\u2019s not meaningless or socially constructed?\n\u2013  nothing throws you into an identity crisis like a late psychiatric diagnosis \u2013\nexistential, the passage of time, now recontextualized, now redefined,\nhow the fuck did no one notice? so many signs, so many voices, begging for validation not confrontation; camouflaged, masked, a blackjack\u2019s old veil; how to unearth a hidden tale?\n\ni guess i should be grateful that, out of all the possibilities of planets and stars and cells and people,\ni exist,\nnot bc of some greater purpose or higher power, but simply random chance, a succumbing hour,\nand yet, i feel so isolated, so small and helpless,\ntrapped in a never-ending river of emptiness.\n\n\u201cmisty mountains sing and beckon\u201d yet i\u2019m running the other direction,\nback to childhood, to comfort and familiarity,\nStop. Stop. the Finality.\n\nthe doomsday clock is now at 90 seconds (grieve society\u2019s senseless ambivalence and willful ignorance),\nbut my Armageddon is unrelentless,\nam i destined for this trivial presence?\n\ni want to scream until my throat turns raw and bleeds in streaming colors,\nand touch the skies and seas in weightless wonder,\nand fill my lungs with sorrow and despair,\nand exhale glimmering wishes into the night air,\nto taste the lives i\u2019ll never see, of multiverses, choices, of everything, everywhere in between,\nand emerge, all at once,\ninfinity on the cusp.\n\nstill, maybe there\u2019s an apocalypse about to dawn,\nand this beautiful world will be gone,\nbut what do i know?\ni\u2019m only twenty-one.\n\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Am I destined for this trivial 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